Sleep Here
by Tsukita
Summary: Pain does not disappear overnight. Broken hearts don't mend instantly. And some wounds require extra attention, for if left alone, they will fester. BBRae Complete
1. Chapter 1

Sometimes fandoms that I was once a huge part of come screaming back to me, begging me to fall into obsession again. This is what happened with Teen Titans, the most influential fandom of my tweenage years. One day my 21-year-old self happened to catch an episode on TV, and the next thing I knew I'd watched the entire series over again in less than a week. And that was back in December. Eight months later, I'm still obsessing. I don't see this ending anytime soon.

Once upon a time, after the episode Spellbound aired, every BBRae shipper rushed to write their own alternate ending or post-episode fic. I am just now jumping on the bandwagon. This takes place a couple weeks after the end of that episode, so prepare yourself for all that angsty stuff. :D

The image for this story is mine, and I'm annoyed at how blurry and weird it looks on this site. If you want to see the original (with actual details and non-blurriness), look me up on Deviantart-I'm tsukitsu. You'll find it. It might ruin a future chapter though ... I mean no it won't.

Disclaimer: The creators of Teen Titans write episodes, not fanfics.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

It had been one week, six days, eight hours, and thirty six minutes since it happened. Since _he_ happened. Not that she had been keeping track … not intentionally anyway.

Malchior of Nol, wizard who defeated the dragon Rorek in Raven's enchanted novel. He was charming, understanding, and easily able to win the darker teen's affections through paper roses and a mystic nature much like her own. He shared with her new magical properties and spells, and perhaps most importantly, he taught her that a half-demon girl with emotional control problems had the capacity to fall in love. He was the only person who had ever made her feel like she wasn't creepy.

He would have been perfect had he not been the evil dragon in disguise.

Malchior's charm was pure manipulation. The spells he taught her were forbidden dark magic. And all the times he'd sworn they would be together once he was released … he was only encouraging her to free him faster. Raven couldn't believe she hadn't seen it sooner, hadn't realized she was being tricked. In the approximately two weeks since she re-cursed Malchior, her appetite, sleeping habits, self esteem, and overall happiness suffered terribly. She meditated longer and wound up with less control. Nightmares became a common occurrence. She was highly distracted in battle, and though she hated to admit it, this was caused by a lack of concern for her own well being.

Worst of all was the loneliness. No matter how many people surrounded her, no matter how many times her friends smiled and talked with her, she felt entirely alone.

On this particular night (or to be more accurate, morning), Raven sat cross-legged on her bed and slowly breathed her incantation. An hour ago she had bolted awake shaking and sweating from a nightmare, and when she found herself unable to fall asleep again, she turned to meditation in hopes of clearing all negative thoughts from her mind. Namely memories. Memories of _him_ that clung to every fragment of every thought that fizzled through her head.

The mere recollection of Malchior was a plague, infecting her mind and giving her the sense that it could never be cured. Trying so hard to forget only served as a constant reminder. Raven had even gone so far as to scour her spell books in search of a charm to erase him from her memory, but anything promising she found either contained horrible side effects or the chance of erasing _all _her memories. If only she could get him out of her mind ...

With a heavy sigh, Raven broke her lotus position and dropped her head into her hands. Why couldn't this be easier? Why couldn't she get over him? He was evil, for crying out loud! But logic had no bearing on her heart. She felt the way she felt, and changing that was impossible (although she had certainly tried). Right now, she just needed to calm down and ignore her raging emotions.

"I need tea," she concluded.

* * *

3:00 AM.

The monster movie marathon was finally over, and the last remaining titan in front of the TV stretched and yawned dramatically. Beast Boy, who could shape shift into any animal at will, was perfectly content being nothing but a couch potato for the entire night.

"Can't believe Cyborg couldn't handle all ten hours," the green teen chuckled to himself. "Sure won't let him forget that tomorrow!" Beast Boy flopped over on the couch, his limbs splayed every which way in a position that could only be comfortable to a contortionist.

"I probably should get to bed," he mumbled, "...unless Clash of the Planets is on!" With renewed excitement, fueled by far too little sleep, the changeling grabbed the remote and began browsing through channels for one of his favorite sci-fi series. Halfway through his search, the door to the common room slid open. Beast Boy shrieked and toppled off the couch, images from almost half a day's worth of horror movies still galloping through his mind. Once he had peeked behind the sofa and verified that the possible zombie, vampire, and/or phantom was none other than Raven, he relaxed and draped himself over the back of the couch.

"Hey Raven, what are you doing up so late—er, well, early?" he asked.

"Couldn't sleep."

Sensing the sorceress was in no mood to talk, Beast Boy returned to his program-hunt. He could hear her in the background making tea, the clink of a mug and the bubbling kettle giving her away. As Raven-like as it was to drink tea early in the morning, something about the timing seemed strange. Then again, he wasn't always up until three in the morning. Maybe this was just a habit of hers.

After sifting through the remaining channels and determining that Clash of the Planets was nowhere to be found, Beast Boy's attention was drawn to the girl in the kitchen area. He watched her prepare her tea methodically, guessing she could probably do it with her eyes closed if she desired. Usually Raven hated when people stared at her, but right now she either wasn't paying attention or was too tired to care. Tired … she looked really tired. All of a sudden Beast Boy noticed how prominent the bags under her eyes were. He noticed her skin was a shade paler than usual. But most of all, he noticed the hollow, haunted look in her eyes, and he couldn't believe he hadn't detected this sooner.

"Are you okay? You look kinda-"

"I'm fine," she said without giving him a chance to finish. Beast Boy frowned as she grabbed her tea and retreated to her room once more. She certainly didn't look fine. As a matter of fact, she looked like she hadn't slept well in weeks. Not since …

_Oh … right._

Beast Boy, more than any of the other titans (besides Raven of course), remembered Malchior. He remembered because the dragon's betrayal to Raven all too easily reminded him of his first love, Terra. Although the former titan had proven herself a true friend in the end, Beast Boy still felt the sting of her initial betrayal from time to time, secretly wondering if he could have done something that would have changed her mind and made things different.

_It hasn't been all that long since Dragon-dude came … Raven's probably still upset over it. _

Beast Boy's eyes followed his teammate as she approached the door to the hallway. He knew when to leave her alone. The problem was, he never listened to that knowledge.

"Is it … him?" he asked. Raven froze just inches away from the door.

_Bingo._

Beast Boy prepared himself for backlash, certain she was going to yell at him, hurl him out of the tower, or perform some fancy combination of the two, but she merely stood her ground. Her hands, still holding the cup full of tea, shook ever so slightly. Otherwise she was perfectly still. Even knowing his next move could be suicide, the changeling ventured a little further.

"Look, I know I'm not really the best at this kind of stuff, but … I think I'm the only one in the tower who understands what you're going through-"

"You don't understand what I'm going through," Raven cut in. Her tone wasn't unkind or angry like he expected. She sounded more defeated than anything.

"Okay, maybe I don't," he continued. "Not exactly, anyway. But I've been betrayed by someone who was really close to me, right when I thought everything was perfect. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

And she did. Raven had been affected by Terra's betrayal as well, even if it had been in a different way than Beast Boy. Trust was difficult to obtain with the sorceress, and she didn't take kindly to having it broken. Plus, she had gone against her intuition to accept the girl. When news broke that Terra was behind an attack on Titan's Tower, Raven was livid; she had allowed herself to consider Terra a friend, and it had almost gotten them all killed. But Beast Boy … they had all seen the way he looked at her, the way he acted in her presence. He was no doubt hit the hardest.

_Maybe he does understand ..._

Beast Boy waited for a reaction from his teammate, but she appeared so deep in thought that he wasn't sure she was going to say anything for awhile. Or at all. He wasn't even sure if she would notice if he kept talking, but decided to try anyway.

"Even if you're right and I don't know everything you're going through, I can relate, Raven. And sometimes, that helps a lot. So if … if you ever want to talk about it, you can come find me anytime, okay?"

The silence in the room was so severe that a pin dropping would have mimicked an explosion.

Raven turned her head the tiniest bit, studying Beast Boy out of the corner of her eye. She appeared wary, and the changeling had the sudden notion that Raven was like a wild animal determining whether or not to trust a human that offered her food.

Their silent exchange went on several moments longer before the girl looked away, breaking the spell that had fallen over the common room. Without another word, she walked through the doors and back to her bedroom. Beast Boy watched her leave, his face twisted in confusion.

"Ooookay, I'll take that as a 'maybe' then ..."

* * *

The afternoon progressed normally, but now that Beast Boy had discovered the source of Raven's sadness, he couldn't keep his eyes off her. Raven had always been a mystery to him, an enigma that he genuinely wanted to understand. Even though she could be absolutely terrifying sometimes, she was a very alluring person, and their opposing natures made him even more curious about how she worked. Now, he finally shared a common experience with his most opposite teammate, and a part of him hoped this would help him come to understand her more.

For the first few days after the dragon's betrayal, Raven abandoned her room in favor of the roof, the shore, or the common room's large window, and she had done nothing but gaze out over the horizon for hours. Once, Beast Boy stood with her for a little while in front of the window, saying nothing. She had glanced over at him, a dull film of grief coating her violet eyes, and he had gazed back in understanding. This tiny exchange left Beast Boy with the notion that he had understood her more at that moment than ever before. But days passed, and the obligations of hero life piled up. Mad Mod had broken out of prison, there was another incident with Brother Blood, Johnny Rancid picked a fight, and everything combined didn't measure up to the time it took to fill out paperwork for all the damages. Focused on completing missions and capturing bad guys, the titans had forgotten their own teammate's struggle. Maybe they had assumed she was better.

She wasn't. Not much, anyway. Beast Boy could see that now, and guilt worked its way into his system.

He watched her throughout the day, watched for all the little hints that he had missed. Suddenly every subtlety was as obvious as a flashing neon sign. He noticed the way Raven walked, hunched over slightly with her arms around her middle as if holding herself together. He noticed how she didn't observe her surroundings in silence as she tended to do; instead, she appeared lost in thought at all times. And he noticed her eyes, the same eyes he had met that day in front of the window. The pain they carried may have been a little duller, but if anything that worried him more. If eyes were the window to the soul, then Raven's soul looked ... dead.

Being severely insecure, Beast Boy had a constant need for the people around him to be happy. When a friend felt sad, his equilibrium was thrown off, like someone jamming a wrench into his own happiness. When that person was Raven, who normally didn't show much emotion at all, it was like a homicidal maniac running a chainsaw through any shred of joy he possessed. What she was going through was something serious, something he understood, and something no joke of his could cure.

But Raven wasn't one to share her problems with others. No amount of pestering could force her to open up; if she didn't want to talk about something, she simply wouldn't.

When the sun retreated for the night, the sky slathering itself with bright orange and magenta before fading away to a cool navy, Beast Boy watched his teammate return to her room with a half-hearted 'good night.' No one questioned her choice to retire at 8:30, but the changeling gripped the couch to keep himself from running after her.

"Yo, B!" Cyborg called, snapping Beast Boy out of his reverie.

"Huh—what?"

The half metal teen gave his green friend a quizzical look. "Man, you've been completely out of it all day. You barely even cried when I beat your little green butt at gamestation earlier, not the first time, not even the eleventh time! You sick or somethin'?"

Beast Boy recoiled, laughing nervously. "What? Pshhhh, no! I was just … setting you up! So that when I crush you at Super Robot Laser Combat 4, you wouldn't expect a thing!" Cyborg took the bait.

"Oh, you're on, Grass Stain!" The two snatched up controllers and started their game, and Beast Boy pushed Raven to the back of his mind for the time being. Knowing her, he had done all he could just by offering support. Anything more was up to her.

* * *

Beads of cold sweat dotted Raven's face as she awoke, panting from yet another awful dream. Malchior, his dragon form even larger and fiercer than before, had been chasing her through a dark and twisted maze. Thorny vines crept along every wall and lashed out at the telepath as she hurried past. The walls seemed to grow larger with every turn she took, no matter which direction.

She remembered reaching a dead end and spinning around, only to find Malchior's enchanted book form standing before her. His eyes were just as beautiful as the first time they had gazed out at her from a page within the book. Back then, she hadn't recognized the cruel intentions behind them.

Raven screamed at him to stop chasing her, to leave her alone. _'I can't run anymore,'_ she had said, dropping to her knees. But as terrifying as the endless maze was, it was his final words that haunted her the most.

_'Sweet Raven,' _he'd crooned, '_it's not me you're running from. It's yourself.'_

Now fully awake, Raven shook her head violently as if by doing so, the remnants of the dream would disappear. She reached over and grabbed the clock from her nightstand—one in the morning.

"Great. Just great."

Dropping it angrily, she flopped back onto the bed with a frustrated groan. 'Why can't I sleep for just one night?' she asked herself, knowing the answer before the thought even entered her mind. When it was clear falling back to sleep wasn't an option, Raven sat up in bed and massaged her temples. Her blankets lay tangled in disarray around her midsection, a parallel to her mental state at the moment.

'I wish I could have some reprieve from all this," she whispered.

"_If you ever want to talk about it, you can come find me anytime, okay?"_

No. No. Absolutely not. She would not subject herself to that humiliation. Seeking someone out was the equivalent of flaunting one's weakness, and Raven didn't need any more reminders that she was currently vulnerable. She thrashed in her bed, pushing the thought out of her mind. "I can handle this on my own," she said to herself.

But she didn't believe it.

* * *

Comfortably cocooned within a mass of blankets, Beast Boy almost didn't hear the timid knock on his door. One of his ears just happened to be poking out from under the covers, and his extra sensitive hearing picked up the sound. Stirring groggily, the changeling flailed around until his entire head was released from the blankety web. He waited a few moments, listening, unsure whether or not the noise was only a dream. Ten seconds later, the knock was repeated.

"Coming ..." he mumbled, rolling off the bed (quite literally) and stumbling to the door. He stopped to wipe the sleep from his eyes before letting the door hiss open, revealing the last person he expected.

"Raven?"

His violet haired teammate stood before him, her usual composure dripping with trepidation. Beast Boy blinked sleepily as if to make sure she was really there. "What … uh …" he stuttered, his drowsiness enhancing both his confusion and his inability to form coherent sentences. Raven glanced at the ground before meeting his eyes, then answered his unspoken question.

"Can we talk?"

* * *

First chapter done WOO. I hope you've enjoyed reading as much as I've enjoyed writing this so far. :) Any and all reviews are appreciated immensely, from thoughts to praise to criticism. Feedback makes my soul flutter, and I will always reply to personally thank anyone who took time to leave a few words for me. ^^ Also, just in case anyone's wondering, this story will be three chapters long, and both upcoming chapters are at least halfway completed already.

So long!


	2. Chapter 2

Hello again, Lovelies! I've returned to leave you with another chapter, one that was actually almost done when I posted the first one (but I am incredibly slow at writing due to my need to revise each section seven hundred times). We'll see if I can get the third and final chapter out any faster.

Also, a huge thanks to the few who left me reviews; each one meant a lot to me, and I appreciate the support. You guys are awesome.

On to the story. Enjoy :)

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Surprised was an extraordinary understatement.

Beast Boy led Raven over to his bunk bed, motioning for her to sit down with one hand and pinching himself with the other. He had estimated earlier that there was about a five percent chance she would decide to come talk to him, and he expected it to be after all other options for healing herself were exhausted-if she even came at all. Six pinches later, Beast Boy finally accepted that he was awake.

The sorceress's eyes darted around the room, taking in the piles of clothing, games, comics, and dishes scattered on every imaginable surface with only the slightest twitch of her lip. His bed was relatively clean, but that didn't stop her from surveying the sheets to make sure she wouldn't be sitting on any unidentifiable stains. Beast Boy hopped on the bed beside her once she had claimed a spot.

Raven sighed. "I'm sorry, I know it's late but ..."

"Don't worry about it, I'm usually up later than this. Besides, I said 'anytime' didn't I?" Beast Boy smiled at her, most of his sleepiness worn off already. Raven's hands twitched nervously as she realized she hadn't really planned what she would tell him. All her thoughts, her fears, her sorrows … they were suddenly unattainable, hazily drifting around in the back of her mind. The silence wore on, and a sense of dread descended on her.

"I … don't know what to say." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Beast Boy lifted a hand to rest on her shoulder, but she was on her feet and out of reach in milliseconds.

"I shouldn't have come here. I'm wasting your time. You should get back to sleep."

"Wha—but—hey!" The changeling stood, stumbling over his words as the girl made her way to the door.

"Raven, wait!" The sorceress didn't stop. On impulse, Beast Boy reached out with every intention to grab her arm and pull her back. He missed. Just a little. Just enough for his fingers to latch onto her hood and jerk it backward, not hard enough to hurt but with enough force enough to spin her around. A look of pure shock adorned her face. Beast Boy, surprised enough by his actions, tried not to mimic her expression.

"Listen, Raven," he said with what he hoped was a tone of authority, "you obviously came here because you thought it could help, but now you're not letting me do anything. I know you like to fix everything on your own, but all of us are here to help if you'll let us." His eyes softened. "If I thought this would be a waste of time, I wouldn't have offered in the first place. I've been through this stuff before, and I want to help. Please … don't run away."

His last words hit a little too close to home. Raven shuddered, remembering the dream she had woken from not even an hour ago.

"_It's not me you're running from, it's yourself."_

Was she really running from herself? From her own inability to cope with her problems?

Beast Boy, realizing he was still holding onto Raven's cloak, let his hands fall to his sides. He watched the emotions flickering across her face, so strange to see after living with her impassive expression for years. When her tired eyes connected with his own, he saw her answer laid bare. He had won.

Raven returned to her spot on the bed, even more hesitantly than when she had first entered. Beast Boy joined her quickly, but tried not to seem too enthusiastic (he couldn't help but be proud of himself; breaking through to Raven was a terrific victory). He still saw his teammate as a wild animal, cautious and unsure, ready to bolt if any sudden movements were made.

Silence reigned once again until Raven softly mumbled, "I don't really know where to start."

"Then I'll start for you," said Beast Boy. The telepath turned toward him and raised an eyebrow. "Just humor me," he told her, smirking.

"Okay, let's see … you've never been through any of this before, and even though you've had some really awful stuff happen in your life, you can't think of a time you felt worse. It makes you angry that you can't fix what you feel, that you can't just stop it or push it to the back of your mind. You have trouble sleeping, so you're probably having nightmares about him, and they're not getting any better with time. But being awake isn't much better because he's all you can think about. It feels like you just can't win." He folded his hands behind his head, as if profiling her took no effort whatsoever. "So how close did I get?"

Raven, her light skin considerably paler, refused to look his way. She stared straight ahead, eyes wide and unblinking, jaw clenched.

"How-"

"Surprised?" Beast Boy chuckled halfheartedly. "I told you, I can relate to this. But don't worry, I'm not going to do that the whole night. You take over whenever you think of something, okay?"

Raven managed a glance in his direction, still astonished and disturbed by how accurate his description had been. She despised having her thoughts or emotions read by anyone; it felt like said person was trespassing through the most private places in her mind. And yet part of her was relieved that he knew exactly how she felt. For once, someone understood.

This simple revelation caused all her previously hidden feelings to bubble to the surface.

"I hate him. _I hate him._ I want to throw that book into a wildfire and listen to Malchior's screams," she spat. "I hate what he did to me, what he made me feel, what he almost made me do … but I … I think I hate myself the most. I hate how I fell for every trick he played, how I trusted him completely without a second thought."

Beast Boy opened his mouth to speak, but Raven wasn't finished.

"I was naïve. And stupid. Everything he did should have been a red flag, but it wasn't … not when he kept me away from my friends for a week or gave me multitudes of fake compliments, not even when he rationalized dark magic. I put the team in danger—I put _the entire city_ in danger—because I was too stupid to see what he was doing."

"Okay, you really gotta stop calling yourself stupid," Beast Boy said. "Those things happen when you're in love, so blame love for all of that stuff, not yourself."

"Love ..." She breathed the word slowly as if it were a foreign concept.

"Was it not?"

Raven squeezed her eyes shut, curling in on herself. "I don't know ..." she whispered.

Beast Boy had the sense not to press her on the subject.

"So, um, is it … getting any easier at all?"

The sorceress brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, fingers biting into the flesh of her legs, almost drawing blood. "No … maybe. Some days it's better, and I finally think I'm getting over it. But it's like a pendulum ... the higher I get, the farther back I'll swing. It feels so hopeless."

"Raven, it's been like two weeks," Beast Boy said. "You sound like you're giving up even though it hasn't been that long. Don't beat yourself up over being sad for two weeks."

"But I only knew him for a week."

"Yeah, and you spent every waking moment in your room with him! You probably felt like you'd known him forever, didn't you?"

Raven was silent. Eventually she closed her eyes and nodded. "It was only a week, but it felt like years. I've never felt that way about anyone. Like I told you before, he was the only person who made me feel like I wasn't creepy, and that meant a lot to me."

"….hey, uh, if it makes you feel any better, I don't think creepy is a bad thing."

His attempt at a compliment was kind hearted, and Raven appreciated the gesture, but it _did_ reinforce the consensus that she was, indeed, creepy. She nodded at him in acknowledgment but couldn't bring herself to thank him for something that secretly felt like an insult. Before she could dwell on the matter for too long, she changed the subject.

"Even though everything I just told you is true, that doesn't change the fact that I knew him for a mere seven days. To still be so upset about it when I'm not supposed to feel anything at all … I worry it'll always be like this. That I'll always be having nightmares about him, that I'll never be able to get him out of my mind. It seems like everyone else would have gotten over it by now had they been in this situation. So what's wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong with you," Beast Boy said, his voice completely certain. "Raven, what you went through was practically a breakup, and that's tough. For awhile, that's all you really _can _think about. It's normal. And maybe some people get over it super fast, but for most people, the pain's still there for a lot longer. It gets easier … and it'll fade in time … I can promise you that. Life returns to normal eventually."

"How long did it take you?"

Beast Boy tapped a finger to his chin. "Ummm … to go back to a sort-of-normal? Probably like a week." Raven's shoulders drooped.

"Hey, don't do that, I'm not finished," he scolded. She shot a skeptical look his way, but waited for him to continue nonetheless.

"I said it took a week or so to go back to being _sort-of-normal._ That means I felt okay enough to leave my room or fight on missions. But the whole time I was on autopilot. Yeah, I could do all the things I normally did, but I was just going through the motions. Nothing really made me happy the way it used to. I was depressed, and that happiness took awhile to build back up. For a month, all I thought about was Terra. I'd go over ways in my head that we could have saved her, I'd wonder if she ever really felt anything for me, I went and visited her and talked to her statue even though it was like visiting a _grave_ … even now, even though it's been months since that happened, I _still _think about it, it just doesn't consume me anymore.

"Raven, you're beating yourself up for not getting over something fast enough when there's really no right or wrong amount of time. It happens when it happens … I know it seems like you'll feel like this forever, but you won't. You just have to believe that."

His words seemed to calm the sorceress, who sighed and leaned back on the bed.

"You're probably right," Raven said softly. "That does help, thank you. I guess it's just hard for me because I'm not used to being lonely."

"Makes sense that you'd miss him … er, well, who you thought he was."

"It's more than that though. I just …." she trailed off, biting her lip. Beast Boy waited patiently.

"I just feel like I'm always alone. It's like I'm standing in the middle of a large crowd of people, yet I'm completely invisible. In some ways, my whole life has been like that … but never this bad. Since _he _came, I don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore, even here. Everything feels foreign, and everyone seems like a stranger. It's debilitating." She paused for a moment. "When you came to my door after everything happened, you told me I wasn't alone. But even here, surrounded by my friends, that's the only thing I _can _feel."

"That's normal, Raven," Beast Boy said. Raven glanced over at him uncertainly.

"Really, it is. All of that stuff you were talking about? It's all stuff I've gone through, too. The reason you feel so alone is because you thought you found someone who understood you, someone like you, and you were so high on life and everything that when all of that was gone, no one could meet those standards anymore. It's like if you have this song that you really like, you play it over and over again and you're so obsessed with it that you can't listen to any other song … so if suddenly that song disappears, it drives you crazy because no other song sounds as good anymore."

"That … actually makes a lot of sense," Raven said after he had finished. "Sorry if I sound surprised, I'm just not used to you making accurate analogies like that." Beast Boy chuckled. "I'll take that as a compliment even though what you're really saying is 'Beast Boy, you're not being as much of an idiot as usual!'"

Raven managed a small smile, but it quickly faded.

"I just hate it. I've always kept to myself, but meeting _him _made me realize I don't really want to be alone …"

She trailed off, looking down at her hands, her mind in a far off place. Beast Boy stayed silent, not sure what to tell her. He knew how she felt—it was all too familiar to him, but he was uncertain what she needed in this situation. Raven wasn't the type to find solace in empty words of encouragement, nor would she react well to physical comfort (she may have gotten away with hugging him, but he had a sneaking suspicion that performing the same gesture with her would end with pieces of him littered across the room). But looking at his teammate—the serious one, the collected one … he had never seen her so broken before. He couldn't sit there and do nothing. He couldn't just leave her alone …

Suddenly, Beast Boy jumped up and began tossing discarded clothes, comic books, and other random objects from his bed onto the floor. Raven watched him, her brow furrowed in confusion. "What are you doing?" she asked as he shoved the remaining clutter off the bed.

"Sleep here tonight," he said.

Raven blinked once. Twice. "W-what?"

"You don't want to be alone, so don't be," Beast Boy told her. "You can sleep on the bottom bunk—I always sleep on the top anyway—and in the morning you can phase out and pretend you were never here." He pulled back the covers and looked at her expectantly.

Still stunned by his proposal, Raven could only manage to mumble, "I can't."

"Sure you can."

"No, I couldn't …" she trailed off, trying to think of the right words to explain her reason for denying him.

"What's stopping you?"

In truth, Raven didn't know why she was so hesitant. It might have been the principle of the idea, the surfacing of some kind of hidden morality she possessed, or perhaps the thought of sharing a room with a friend, even under these circumstances, felt too intimate. But still, part of her craved that closeness, the knowledge that someone would be nearby as she slept, the feeling that she wasn't completely and utterly alone.

As if sensing her thoughts, Beast Boy said softly, "You're only as alone as you make yourself, Raven."

She glanced up at him, at the compassion that flowed from his expression. "I hate being alone," she whispered, too quiet for human ears but loud enough for the changeling. He smiled at her as he patted the pillow. "You're not."

* * *

'I can't believe I'm doing this.'

Raven lay on the bottom mattress of Beast Boy's bunk bed, staring up at the woven metal pattern of the bed frame. The boy on the top bunk was already fast asleep, emitting a steady sequence of soft snores. He had convinced her to stay, an impressive feat by any standard, although a part of her felt less dignified for accepting his offer. Her train of thought was chaotic at best; she couldn't decide whether to berate herself for feeling weak (weak enough to seek someone out), or to assure herself that doing something—anything—to help her current situation was a sign of strength.

'It's not like anyone's going to find out,' she reassured herself. 'Beast Boy knows I would send him to a different dimension if he told another soul about this.'

Raven sighed and rolled over, pulling the blanket up to her chin. It didn't smell particularly clean, but the foreignness of it was an unlikely comfort. Perhaps here, away from the memories, nightmares couldn't reach her. Perhaps she was safe with the one person in the tower who could truly relate to her plight. Perhaps now, she could sleep the whole night through without waking up, plagued with thoughts of a smooth talking dragon. Daring to be hopeful, she relaxed just enough for sleep to claim her.

* * *

_When Raven opened her eyes again, she found herself on a rocky platform in the middle of what appeared to be a deep cave, or perhaps a volcano. Sinister green smoke rose from the depths of the cavern and surrounded the titan, making her cough. "Where … am I?" she wondered aloud. She certainly didn't remember going on any underground missions lately. _

_Raven glanced around, then peered over the edge of the platform. The sides descended so far down that they disappeared into a pitch black abyss. No stairs were in sight, although the smog was thick enough to conceal some areas, so it was possible they were hidden. _

"_What am I doing here?" she asked herself. And seemingly out of nowhere, a voice materialized to answer._

"_Hello, dear Raven. Haven't forgotten about me, have you?"_

_Raven whirled around, spying two glowing red eyes through the swirls of putrid smoke. The outline of a dragon took shape as the steam began to clear. Malchior._

"_You!" she hissed, crouching into a fighting stance. The creature made no move to attack, choosing instead to smirk at her through the green mist. His nonchalance only infuriated Raven._

"_What are you doing here?" she growled. "I trapped you back in the book. I _cursed _you. You can't be here!" Her voice dripped with venom, but she couldn't stop the almost inaudible tremble that appeared toward the end. Malchior easily spotted her weakness. _

"_Just as I expected. You can't get me out of your mind, can you? It's only going to get worse." _

_Raven seized large chunks of rock with her powers and flung them at the dragon, who merely chuckled as they smashed into him. When the dust settled, not a single scratch marked him. "It's not as easy to hurt me as it is to hurt you," he taunted._

"_I hate you!" she yelled, her anger building up to dangerous levels._

"_But you can't, can you? You loved my trick so much, loved being adored and understood. You want it back more than anyone can imagine, even knowing I used you. What does that say about you?" _

"_SHUT UP!" Raven screamed, tendrils of dark energy swaying menacingly around her._

_Malchior narrowed his eyes in amusement. "Why don't you just learn to accept the truth? You are far too unlovable to be cared for like that again. It's a wonder your friends even put up with you."_

_Quick as lightning, the dragon's arm shot out and grabbed Raven in his claws. She struggled against him but was unable to release herself, and her powers were suddenly no use. The beast only laughed at her attempts to escape, a deep, cold laugh._

"_You're half demon, Raven. And a creepy girl at that. People on the street think you're a witch, without ever having met you. You really think anyone will love you when you give off such an impression?"_

_Raven stopped struggling and clamped her hands over her ears. "Stop ..." she pleaded, but Malchior took great pleasure in causing her pain. No matter how hard she tried to block out his words, she could still hear his malicious laughter. _

"_Poor little Raven, unable to face that she's destined to be alone forever."_

"_I'm not alone!"_

"_My sweet Raven," Malchior sneered as a blaze of orange fire began building in his throat. "There was never a time when you _weren't _alone." And with that, he opened his mouth and fired an enormous blast straight toward the sorceress._

* * *

Raven jerked awake with a loud gasp, her breathing heavy and erratic. Panic seized her when she realized she wasn't in her room, but her memories of the past night quickly returned. The realization slowly calmed the girl and helped her breathing return to normal.

'I'm alright,' she reassured herself. 'I'm in Beast Boy's room, I'm safe, and it was all a dream. Everything's okay.'

But that was a lie.

Yes, it had all been a dream, but the dream was a nonstop barrage of her deepest fears. _You cannot move on. You'll never get over him. You are unlovable. Dark. Creepy. You are, and forever will be, alone._

The rush of feelings returned full force, threatening to break the control Raven had meditated for hours the night before to maintain. She gripped her head tightly, trying to fight off her emotions, but it was no use.

"I'm not alright ..." she whispered to herself as a single tear slid down her cheek. Curling up into a ball on the bed, Raven began sobbing quietly, holding the blanket to her chest as if it were her only source of comfort. Malchior had done more than break her heart; he had given her hope for a happier life, for the ability to feel things she had never dared dream about, and right when these hopes became a reality for her, he tore them apart. Now the very memory of him was haunting her thoughts, her dreams, and making her entire life unbearable.

From somewhere in the room came a thump. Raven clamped a hand over her mouth and listened, desperately hoping she hadn't been heard. She would never live it down if Beast Boy found her crying, especially not while she was in his room … could anything be more humiliating?

When she heard nothing more, Raven attempted to calm herself in case the boy above her _did_ wake up. But wrapped within every peaceful thought she could muster, the image of a book-bound wizard appeared, and soon enough she was clutching her pillow to her mouth to drown out the cries leaking through her resolve. Only once before had she cried since the dragon appeared, on the first night. Since then, everything she felt had stayed inside, pushed to a corner and left to rot. She hadn't realized how open her wound truly was, or how infected it had become.

A smaller thump sounded behind Raven, and she felt light pressure on the mattress. Something else had joined her on the bed. But before she could turn to see the intruder, a ball of warm fuzz curled itself around the back of her head. Judging by the size and feel of the animal, she was being cuddled by a cat. Almost certainly a green one.

"Beast Boy?" she managed to choke out. The cat nuzzled her cheek in response, then rested its head against hers. Raven had been certain she'd feel embarrassed and ashamed at being caught crying (in his bed of all places), but the grief overpowered any other emotion. She hugged herself tighter and allowed all the pent up feelings churning inside her to surface. If there was one thing about Malchior she should be thankful for, it was that he taught her how to cry without letting her powers slip. Crying was a way to restore emotional balance, similar to meditation. It required a certain amount of disconnect, but was relatively easy now that she understood how to do it without blowing anything up. Plus, it balanced her enough that she wouldn't have to meditate afterward. This didn't mean she _liked _crying, but at least now it was an option for her if she felt too awful to meditate. And right now, she felt too awful to do anything.

Beast Boy stayed by her side, gently licking her forehead in animalistic comfort. Raven wasn't sure how he knew this was the only way he could get close to her—had he stayed a human when he came to check on her, she undoubtedly would have teleported out of the room. But something about him being another creature … there was an element of safety in that, the promise that he wouldn't speak, but just lay with her in silence.

As Raven's sobs began to subside, a small, sandpaper tongue caressed her cheek, erasing the salty trails from her face. The sorceress suppressed a gasp, taken aback by the tenderness displayed. Beast Boy wasn't much of a touchy-feely person, even if he _was_ miles ahead of her in that realm. He hugged and poked at her for fun (and to annoy her), but shied away from contact in more serious or sentimental situations. Knowing this about him, she was beyond surprised (and though she didn't want to admit it, touched) that he had just done the equivalent of kissing her tears away.

Eventually, the mass of feelings took their toll on Raven. She drifted off into a deep slumber, thoroughly exhausted. And although she wasn't sure if she was dreaming, right before falling asleep she could have sworn the warmth of the cat's body transformed, became larger … and for a few precious moments she was being held by a human.

* * *

Two down, one to go! This was the chapter I started writing first because I can't write like normal people ... I begin in the middle and then force myself to write the first chapter after most of the other chapters are complete (or in this case, almost complete).

I always wondered why Raven's emotions were said to be so destructive, yet we see her cry twice in the series and nothing happens. Since she reached a balanced state in Spellbound (white Raven), I had the idea that one of Malchior's teachings helped her learn to cry without damaging surroundings. Any thoughts on this?

Again, if you have time to leave a review, I would love to hear any and all thoughts you may have. :) Thanks for reading~


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Raven awoke from a deep, dreamless sleep that left her feeling rested for the first time in weeks. Pale morning light seeped through the window, the soft yellow color an indication that the world was still waking. The girl sat up in bed, putting a hand to her temple as a feeling of dizziness suddenly washed over her. _Why am I so lightheaded?_ she thought. And then the memories came rushing back.

Nightmares. Nightmares that pushed her to this room, this room that belonged to the one person who understood. She had stayed, but the nightmares continued. She woke up. There was a cat. A cat that had comforted her. A cat that had been …

_Oh please no …_

Scrambling out from under the covers, Raven peered up at the top bunk, at the spikes of messy green hair and the single arm that hung limp over the side. Her chest constricted. She remembered a puff of warm fur curled around her head last night, warm fur that had belonged to a cat.

A cat that had been Beast Boy.

It took all her strength not to sink to her knees in chagrin. Several items in the room were suddenly surrounded by a veil of energy, but Raven forced herself to remain calm lest she destroy half of Beast Boy's property. She, the half-demon girl restricted from feeling the majority of her own emotions, had been no less than an emotional wreck last night. And he had seen … Beast Boy had seen. It was as if he'd glimpsed one of the most off-limits fractions of her soul, a place _she _didn't even wish to venture. Raven felt violated. Violated, humiliated … and at the same time, she also felt better.

Ignoring an open wound for too long led to infection. Her own sores had been festering for some time now, she'd just refused to acknowledge them in hopes that they'd heal on their own.

Slowly Raven's heartbeat returned to its regular pattern, although the embarrassment churning inside her wasn't about to disappear anytime soon. A soft groan escaped her lips. Emotions of every kind ricocheted through her mind, almost painfully so, making it hard to tell exactly what she was feeling.

_I definitely need to meditate,_ she thought.

Careful not to wake her teammate, Raven quietly threw the sheets up over the bottom bunk in a manner that mimicked the bed's initial disarray. Why bother making the bed when Beast Boy obviously liked it messy?

When she'd finished, Raven levitated off the floor until she was on equal ground (or equal air in her case) with the sleeping Beast Boy. She hovered beside the bed for almost a minute, contemplating her teammate as he slept. For such a happy-go-lucky character, he could be surprisingly profound. And nestled amongst all his corny jokes and pranks was a serious side, one she truly appreciated. She reached out a hand, let it linger just above his shoulder, then thought better of it and retracted her arm. Silently, Raven encased her body in dark energy, wearing the magic like a second cloak, and took the form of her namesake. With that, she disappeared from his room, leaving no trace that she had ever entered.

* * *

_Azarath Metrion Zinthos … Azarath Metrion Zinthos …_

Raven calmly repeated her mantra as she floated inches above her bed, just as she had done for the past three hours. Meditating usually didn't take so long, but her lack of concentration for the past few weeks needed a little catching up. The five hours of sleep she was able to covet last night had done wonders for her focus. She wasn't naïve enough to think all her problems had vanished, but a significant weight had been lifted from her shoulders. And Raven couldn't believe who she had to thank for that.

Streams of emotion swirled and knotted around inside her head like tangled strings, making it very difficult for her to know what to think about the situation. On one hand, Raven was grateful and a little bit touched at the compassion and attention she'd received regarding her issue. On the other, she was mortified that Beast Boy of all people had seen that side of her, and she was considering reopening her search for memory-erasing charms.

But even though part of her wanted nothing more than to never bring up the past night again, Raven knew thanking Beast Boy would be the right thing to do. As much as she didn't want to admit it, his presence had been an enormous help. _Besides, I can't stay in my room forever, _she thought. She'd already mastered the art of hiding her feelings; if any of the other titans suspected something was wrong, all the attention would turn to her. It was enough having one person know how much Malchior was affecting her, but four people? She shuddered.

_Well, let's get this over with, _Raven thought with a sigh. Grabbing her cloak from on top of her dresser, she strode out of her room and down the hall toward the tower's main room.

* * *

The familiar whoosh of the common room doors announced the entrance of another titan. Raven surveyed the area as she walked in, noticing that everyone else was already spread out over the room. Robin and Starfire sat across from each other at the table, an array of breakfast foods in front of them. Silkie squirmed under Starfire's feet like a little mutant dog begging for food. And Beast Boy and Cyborg were locked in an epic battle for dominance … on the gamestation.

"Hey Raven, you're up late," Robin commented from the table. "Want anything to eat?" Starfire suddenly appeared in front of her, holding a large plate of pancakes.

"Friend, you must try some of the cakes from the pan!" she offered cheerfully. Raven studied the plate's contents with caution, aware of the effects alien food had on her stomach, but the golden brown circles looked like perfectly normal pancakes. Robin had made them, she guessed.

"Um … thanks Starfire, but I'm not really hungry right now," she said. "Maybe later."

Starfire's face fell momentarily, but she never stayed upset long. Within seconds, she had flown back to her seat and was offering (force feeding) Robin something bright blue, squishy, and definitely not from earth. Raven grimaced and moved away from the table (and the gagging sounds that accompanied it), instead focusing her attention on the two couchbound teens.

Raven summoned one of her novels from across the room, cracking it open as she sat down on the sofa several feet away from Beast Boy. She muttered a quick "hey" to the boys to gauge their reaction and was met with two collective grunts of acknowledgment, nothing more. While Raven tried to pretend like everything was normal, the fact was, it wasn't. One of her friends had seen the most vulnerable side of her, something she wanted no one—_no one—_to ever see, and was proceeding to act like she didn't exist. She definitely didn't want him to coddle or cater to her, but avoiding her was insulting.

For twenty minutes, Cyborg and Beast Boy went through various rounds of their game while Raven attempted to read. With thoughts as chaotic as hers though, she only managed to finish a couple pages in that time frame. Not once did Beast Boy glance over at or speak to her, his mind completely absorbed in the virtual world. Even though this was very typical behavior for the shape shifter during video games, all Raven saw now was him blatantly ignoring her. And she was infuriated by it.

After the final battle ended, flashing lights on the big screen TV declared Cyborg the champion.

"Awww yeah baby! New high score!" he shouted gleefully.

"Dude, you totally cheated! You're not supposed to use combos like that on the track!"

"Man, you're just mad you didn't think of it first and you know it."

"Oh yeah!? Well we'll see who comes out on top when I crush you at Mega Monkeys 4!"

"Bring it on, Green Bean!"

Between the noise of typical game-induced boasting and a mosh pit of jumbled emotions, Raven had developed a searing headache. Snapping her book closed (perhaps a little louder than intended), she rose from the couch and stalked away, away from the cacophony of overzealous cheers and gibes.

Robin and Starfire looked up from their breakfast as she passed the table. Raising an eyebrow, the boy wonder asked, "Everything okay, Raven?"

"I need to meditate," she said, the bite in her voice enough to stop him from pressing her.

Beast Boy was still rummaging through the games as Raven approached the common room door, but his search stopped short when he had a sudden revelation.

"Oh right, Mega Monkeys 4 is in my room," Beast Boy groaned.

"Just pick one of the games here then, B."

There was a pause in the conversation, just long enough for Raven to shoot one last glance over to the shape shifter. Surprisingly, he was looking back at her with an unreadable expression. The moment, however, didn't last long.

"Heh, you _wish_ I'd choose another game, but you know you're just scared to lose to me," Beast Boy taunted loudly. "I'll go grab it from my room and be back before you can beg for mercy!" He hopped over the couch, dodging Cyborg's comebacks while he sped toward the exit. Raven heard him coming just before the door closed behind her.

_Well, this worked out well, _she thought bitterly.

When the common room door hissed open seconds later, Raven turned toward Beast Boy, ready to fix him with her fiercest glare … until she saw his expression. Worry and sympathy were plastered all over his face, to a point where he practically oozed these emotions. If she could see his aura, it would be the color of compassion. The sorceress was struck speechless.

"So … how are you doing? Any better?" he asked.

Raven blinked back her shock. He hadn't even acknowledged her presence this morning, and now all of a sudden he cared about her emotional state? But the concern in his eyes was genuine. He was truly worried about her … so why had he ignored her so easily?

The answer came to her almost instantly. It had all been an act. Had he acted strangely around her this morning, the other titans would have caught on that something happened. They would question, possibly pry. And Raven wasn't ready to answer any questions about her feelings; she'd done enough of that last night.

Slightly ashamed that she had been angry at him, Raven mumbled, "A lot better than yesterday … thank you."

Beast Boy grinned. "If you ever need company again, you can come to my room whenever, okay? I'll keep the bottom bunk clean for you, heh."

"... you would do that ... for me?"

"Well, I already did it once, so I'm not sure why you're surprised," the changeling shrugged. Raven stayed quiet, her eyes on the floor.

"Look, Raven," Beast Boy said slowly, "it doesn't take one night for everything to go away. Even if you feel better now, all the stuff you're going through is still there and it's still hurting you. I don't want you to have another one of those pendulumy times you were talking about (Raven couldn't stop the look of surprise that crossed her face at this—he really had been listening). You could probably get through all this by yourself if you wanted since you're, well, you, but it's a lot easier if you let someone else help."

The telepath's eyes shifted upward, meeting his. He was completely serious, his gaze filled to the brim with empathy. Raven realized how terribly she had misjudged him in the past. He wasn't just a jokester or an annoying kid-brother type; he was in possession of an incredibly and genuinely kind soul.

"Thank you," she whispered, meaning it with all of her heart.

He beamed, then suddenly seemed to remember something. "Heh, well I should go get the game from my room now … Cyborg's waiting and all."

"To be honest, I thought that was just an excuse to follow me."

"Oh it was," he chuckled, "but the game really is in my room. Wasn't lying about that." With a smile and a salute, Beast Boy morphed into a cheetah and took off in a spotted blur down the hallway.

Raven watched him go, the edges of her lips turning upward in a small but genuine smile, the first one to reach her eyes in a long while. Of all the other titans, Beast Boy was the one whose personality clashed with hers the most. She had hated him at first for his obnoxious jokes and unwavering optimism, but slowly warmed up to him enough to consider him a friend. Still, they were as opposite as night and day. It was hard to find ways they could connect or things they could agree upon. Shaking her head, Raven realized she'd underestimated the strength of a connection forged by mutual sadness.

All of a sudden, she remembered a question that had been lingering in the back of her mind since morning. "Wait!" she called out right before he reached the corner. "Can I ask you one more thing?"

Beast Boy skidded to a halt, transforming back into a human even before he'd stopped moving. "Yeah?"

"... why a cat?"

Although his cheeks reddened slightly, he still managed to grin. "You seem like a cat person," he said before returning to his cheetah form and sprinting away.

* * *

Late that night, Raven followed up on Beast Boy's offer. She wasn't nearly as lonely or depressed as the night before, but the comfort of sleeping so close to someone who cared was hard to pass up. She phased into his room quietly and claimed the bottom bed once again. It was past midnight when she arrived, with her teammate already fast asleep on the top bunk. Raven moved like a shadow, slipping silently under the covers in hopes that she wouldn't disturb him … even though he was very clear that she was always welcome, she still couldn't shake the feeling that in some way she was intruding.

From above, she heard Beast Boy roll over and mumble something unintelligible in his sleep. Raven lay motionless and listened for any sign that he had woken. She couldn't hear his steady breathing anymore … did that mean he was awake and listening? Had he heard her?

As the seconds passed without change, she concluded that he must still be dreaming. With a sigh of relief, Raven pulled the covers up to her chin and shifted to a more comfortable position. But just when she thought she was safe, a sleepy voice from above slurred, "Sweet dreams, Raven."

The sorceress's eyes shot open, the flush of embarrassment at having been noticed coloring her cheeks a light pink. She held her breath until Beast Boy's breathing returned to the rhythmic patterns of sleep, then exhaled softly, closed her eyes, and nestled into the pillow.

That night, she slept without waking, without nightmares, and without the bitter sting of loneliness. She wasn't healed. Not yet. But for the first time in two weeks, she had found peace.

* * *

Aaaaaaaaaand done! :D That was way too much fun to write. All of it. Every chapter. It was like writing junk food for my favorite crack pairing. I can only hope those of you who stumbled across this story found as much enjoyment out of reading it as I did creating it.

Please let me know what you thought! Whether you liked it, loved it, or hated it, I'd really appreciate a review. Pretty please?

Have a wonderful day, my lovelies, and I will be back with more stories in the future. ^^


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